Hello everyone I’d like to share my birth stories. Isaiah is 4 and Zion is 2. When I was pregnant with Isaiah I had just finished acupuncture school, I read pretty much every single book on the local library shelf about how the body works during pregnancy and labor. It fascinated me. I had strong perfectionistic ideals in order, and I had a birth plan written to the T! It was going to be my way and only my way. Well the motherhood lessons were implemented sooner than later. I discovered mid-way that I had some eye thing that I don’t like to get into too much, this made my planned home birth now a local hospital birth. It was 44 hours of endurance, fear, & letting go, but not really knowing how to. At the 36 hour mark I requested for Pitocin, epidural and breaking of “waters”(this is the part in the labor where I believe a DOULA would have gotten me, a scared, tired, and delirious woman over the hump). 12 hours later Isaiah straightened his head out and like a key in the lock he spiraled out. The warmth of his body on mine, and the feeling of holding this child is forever imprinted into my memory and changed me for the good. From there I have learned how to be a mother every day from this child. He teaches me beyond this universe. Isaiah gave me the gift of motherhood.
The hospital drugs left me feeling more fearful and worried I believe more than I would have without, none the less, I had the perfect birth plan on paper and since it didn’t go that way I was dealing with some disappointment about how it went, and that I had used pain meds and felt sad about the disconnection from my body during labor. This, with hormones shifting and a whole new spectrum of feelings about someone was a wild ride and it led me somehow divinely to want to become a Labor Doula, whatever that is, sure I’ll go the training. The training was interesting and I related to lot as I also found a new passion in women supporting women during labor. It is an ancient tradition practiced since the beginning of time. From this I found a new calling….”do I even want to be a Midwife one day too?” hmmm.
Well about 15 months later I found out I was pregnant with my second child, I chose home birth again, decided not to read the books, and to focus my energy on trusting my body, not needing to fix anything, and not really talking to many people about my plans or hopes because lord knows some just can’t hold back their opinions even when we don’t ask hah! Nonetheless pregnancy and sensitive women, sometimes things seems bigger than they are. It was an uneventful pregnancy, healthy and tiring, I listened to mantras about positive birth on my ear buds every night, went to monthly midwife meetings where homebirth was normal and all was supportive. I opened myself up to allowing and going with the flow. The best part about having these midwives with me was that everything was normal to them, nothing needed to be fixed, or augmented, or sedated, or anything. The night of Zion’s birth I woke around midnight in active labor (it had been building for a few days) called the midwives, and my sis and mom. By the time Rebekah got there I felt wild and uninhibited moving around and allowing my body to go with the contractions, boy did it go, it almost seemed like a possession at times, I also vocalized in ways I didn’t realize I was able to. In between, during the resting time, I’d be bracing for the next surge, bear hugging Rebekah helped a few times. At this point Isaiah 2 at the time, woke and was snuggled with papa, he was curious yet unsure of what the heck was going on with mama. I wanted the tub filled, it couldn’t get filled fast enough, I even had a fleeting thought during one contraction that maybe I want to go the hospital? I quickly left that behind, after getting into the birth tub in my safe beautiful salt glowing living room, I desperately wanted him out of me, that’s usually the point in birth where a woman is very close, I called for Mei and Isaiah, they came and stood by the edge of the pool and it wasn’t long before I delivered my own son into my arms. He basically got himself out, I just braced and endured.
The sun was just beginning to emerge onto a new day. From Zion I have received the gift of surrender. During the newborn exam in our family bed Isaiah drifted to sleep after his first and only so far, all-nighter, Zion found his favorite spot at my breast and my mom fried up some breakfast! It was a new day!
Their births and beyond into being their mother have taught me about a whole new level and depth of myself. I feel blessed, grateful, honored, motivated, inspired, joyful and challenged everyday.
Thanks for letting me share this special part of my life.
As a CAPPA certified Labor Doula today I feel I have a wide range of experiences acquired through my own life and assisting other women in their own labors. Pregnancy, labor and delivery is a unique personal experience for all women and I love being able to help support that for my fellow sisters.